These are the best days of our lives...

Why does it seem like everyone around me is growing up and I seem to be stuck in this eternal state of adolescence? I'm not ready to think about getting married or having children at all -- let alone be in those situations. But I'm just a few months younger than my mom when she had me. I can't imagine that at all. She's always been my mom -- she was never a young adult who didn't know herself or what she wanted out of life. She always seemed so confident and sure of herself and of the decisions she made. She was forced to grow up so fast. I guess I'm just torn. Part of me says "I'm ready to be an adult and take on the world!" and yet another part of me just wants to go home and have my mom cook for me and do my laundry. It's just crazy to think that within the next 5 years I could be married and have a self-supporting job and that in the next 10 I could be a mom. Eek.

Another Year, Another Beginning

Summer has come to an abrupt end. It seems like with the start of school, the fall weather has decided to start too taking away all the beautiful sunny days and hiding them until next summer. I've really enjoyed classes so far. There are some that will be easy, some that will kick my butt, some that are big, some that are small, some that are interesting and some that are boring. I made sure to cover all the bases. I start class everyday at 11 which is amazing. I actually have time to wake up, eat breakfast and start my day off right with everything that I need. It's incredible. Especially for me since I'm not a morning person. I think my roommates like it too because then I'm not Godzilla in the mornings. :]

So I'm taking Art History, Flute Studio, Marching Band, Spanish & Shakespeare. My Spanish GTF is such a hottie. And when he speaks in Spanish it makes my heart want to melt. But of course he has a wife (and a daughter). I want to cry. But I am hopeful there are others like him out there. Tomorrow night I'm going to try and make a move on another (more age appropriate) hottie that I have my eye on. Oh and my neighbor is cute too! He just came over to borrow a fork a few minutes ago. I wonder if he is the one that rides the cute, shiny, red Vespa outside... Okay -- hold on... I like how this paragraph started out talking about classes and school and totally changed to cute boys. "I have a crush on every boy."

But anyway, classes are going well. I am excited for this term. The only thing I am not looking forward to is the weather and the shorter days. But oh well. I feel like a broken record but I also miss my besties. I just don't have anyone here like them (and I mean, come on... who could replace them?). Here I have friends who are funny and then I have my friends who are good listeners and then I have my friends who are good for just relaxing and watching a movie but I just don't have any friends who can do all of that at once. It really is a skill. ;]

I miss you, Lauren & Hilary!

No words to describe...

I thought my dad had been killed today. His hotel in Qatar was bombed and several embassy officials died. I found out this morning and I was a complete mess the whole day. I can't begin to explain how terrifying it was to not know whether or not he was dead or alive. I was scared. I couldn't help but think he was one of the ones who died. Luckily, he emailed me tonight and to let me know he was safe. However, I can't consider him safe until he makes it home and who knows when that will be? In a month or in 6? I absolutely hate being part of a military family. It has put so much strain and stress on all of us. I'm still shaken up over it but I am so glad my mom is going to be home tonight. It's been a rough 2 weeks.

This one time...

Band camp starts tomorrow.

Enough said.

Time for something new

It's amazing how a new haircut can change your attitude. I cut off over 6" and I feel like I'm ready to take on the world and start the new school year right. I've been making a lot of promises to myself. I'm going to put them on here so that I can publicly admit to what I want to accomplish and hopefully that will motivate me even more.

-I want to work out somehow everyday.
-I want to go to bed before midnight every night.
-I want to do all my homework the night before it is due.
-I want to keep my room as clean & clutter free as possible (hey -- no one is perfect).
-I want to avoid wearing the same outfit all year round and utilize the cute clothing that I own.
-I want to be a better friend and daughter.
-I want to practice everyday for at least half an hour.
-I want to quit making excuses for myself.

I think that's a good place to start.

PS I love running my hands through my hair.

On the road again

I feel like I'm living life on the road. I have driven to and from Eugene over 10 times within the past 6 days. No wonder my car is so messy all the time. I'm basically living in my car. I have a sleeping bag and pillow that haven't left the car for quite a few weeks now. I must feel more comfortable there because my mom has rented out my room. Yes, as in someone is now living in my room other than me. And looking out my window. And using my built-in shelves. And using my walk-in closet. It's very odd to think about. I don't have a home at home anymore.

But on the plus side, in 5 days I will have a room of my own! Yayyy!!! For the first time in 3 years I won't have to share a room with anyone. It will be glorious. I have been going a little crazy with the decorating (maybe a little too overboard). But as Martha Stewart once said, "There is nothing wrong with casually matching." And even though I'm not sure how to define "casually matching" -- I'm pretty sure that I've mastered it.

And I need to make my art portfolio but I just don't have time!!!

Also, my feet are 3 different shades of tan.

Winding Down

It makes me so sad to see the end of summer. I hate watching the days begin to get shorter and the flowers start to die. And then there is all of the preparation for school that the last few weeks of summer seem to be sucked away. I know in about 3 weeks I will be envying myself in this very moment: Sitting at home with no homework, no agenda, free food & laundry and no apartment or roommates to worry about. However, I am very excited for summer to end even though my 3-week-away self will think I'm insane.

Life at home has been hard this summer. Friends didn't come home from college or if they did, they didn't stay for long enough. Also, the friends who were in town were busy with jobs and vacations and the like. Also, my mother has been difficult to deal with. She hasn't learned to treat me like a independently functioning human being and has continued to do some irksome things like setting curfew and taking my car keys away. I lived on my own for a year already and it was near impossible to come home and live under her rules again.

I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of two chapters of my life. I'm squished in between my childhood and my future and neither one of them is budging to let me go. I keep wondering how long I'm going to feel like this. Will I finally feel like an adult when I don't come home during the summers or when I graduate from college? Or will the feeling of being a child in my parent's house always linger there no matter how old I am?

I really wish I could have enjoyed my time in Salem a little more because I do love this city and I have had some great memories here. I just can't help thinking about how out of place I feel now that I've graduated from high school and been away. Luckily, I'm moving out in a little over a week and will be going back to Eugene where I feel a little bit more at home at the present. I will be living in an apartment with my own room where I can do just about whatever I want and not get yelled at for it.

I already have a list of what I want to do first: Put my shoes right in front of the door, leave my water glass on the bedside table without a coaster and stay up on Facebook until 3am.

Where you lead, I will follow

Everyone is leaving and doing great things with their lives and here I am doing the same thing and being really predictable. I'm so happy for everyone though. I just selfishly wish they were all here to keep me company.

Have fun in Italy, Ms Thang! You're going to have the experience of a lifetime.

I think I can

You know, I think I can actually raise children. Not that I want to right now but when I do have kids, I'm comforted to know that I won't starve them or accidentally lock them in a closet. But hey, no one's perfect. I might slip up.

There were never such devoted sisters

My sister is here to visit for a few days and I realized I am really not ready to have children. We went to bed at 11 because she was crazy awake and she woke up at 5. She's just so darn active! BUt just when I think I can't take care of her for 3 days, she does something super cute and makes me think I'm overreacting. (Like just now she came up and randomly kissed my hand -- but then she ran off to ride her Razor Scooter in the house... How am I supposed to react to that?) Let's see how the next few days go.

Tidbits

Stay away from the log ride at Enchanted Forest if you are on a date because it will ruin your hair and make you soaking wet.

Never attempt to frame a silk scarf unless you are prepared to invest an hour of your life.

Don't watch Gilmore Girls when you are hungry.

If you go to a town 4 hours away that a popular teenage romantic science fiction novel is based in, don't post the pictures on Facebook.

Never leave dishes in the sink for more than a week without at least soaking them in water.

Be sure to search under every piece of furniture in your house when looking for your obese siamese cat.

Make sure that the restaurant you want to go to for dinner is open for dinner.

And never ever doubt that you can wake up, take a shower, dry your hair, do your makeup and get dressed in less than 20 minutes.

Oh baby, you're a big girl now

So today I found out that some pictures I took at a wedding were ordered by various members of the bridal party. That made me feel good. Especially when one order was nothing but my prints. It makes me think I can actually make photography a career. Plus it felt good that they liked mine better than my boss's. Hah.

Tomorrow I am going to IKEA with my roommates to go wander the huge store, get lost in the children's section, fall asleep on the nicely made model beds and see what else we need for our apartment. I was just making a list of things off the top of my head and we still need so much stuff. I don't think I'm ready to live in an apartment yet. I'm never going to be able to move out of my parent's house after college. I'm sure my mom wouldn't complain.

I wore something out of the back of my closet today and I got a million compliments. It wasn't even fancy. This week I'm going to wear something that I haven't worn in at least a year every day. I'm pretty sure I could go 2 weeks but I'm starting with 1.

To boyfriend or not to boyfriend? That is the question.

How do you break up with a boy and still remain his friend? I mean, in my book, you can't just say "Gee, Charles. It was average while it lasted but eventually your putrid breath and lack of personality just got to me. In fact, if we keep dating, I may have to flee the country just to get away from you. But I would really like us to remain friends." Charles would be one sad man to stay friends with someone who broke up with him like that.

But that's kind of the predicament I find myself in now. Although he is sweet and funny, I just don't think we make the best kind of couple. Someone can be a good boyfriend and someone can be a good girlfriend but that doesn't mean that they are good for each other. I just find myself in between a rock and a hard place (so that be two hard places) because:
a) He cares about me much more than I care about him (I mean, he's talking love and wedding vows). I feel like I'm such a heartless girl because I don't return those feelings at all.
b) His best friend (my neighbor from last year) is one of my really good friends. She explicitly told me (in a joking way) not to break his heart. And I feel like I'm going to do just that.
c) I don't know how to do it because we live about an hour away from each other. I don't want him to drive here and have me break up with him but I also don't want to drive there and be in an awkward situation. But I think over the phone might be a little tacky... However, via text is the best route in this situation I'm thinking. Clean, simple and if he tries to make it difficult, I just don't respond, right? Yeah, okay, no texting.

Also, he has a trait that I don't really care for. His high level of interest in marijuana and alcohol is one thing that I really don't like. It wasn't until after we started dating that I realized he liked to smoke. He claimed that it was a habit he was breaking and something he did more out of peer pressure than personal gain. But to this day, the habit has still not been kicked. Oh, and did I mention that his best friend is a drug dealer? He has admitted that smoking pot has impaired his memory and made him less motivated -- yet he can't seem to stop. It just really frustrates me to see him so consumed by it. And it doesn't make me feel better that he blames it on his pot-head friends. Doesn't that just mean that he isn't strong enough to hold his own and tell them no? Since I don't drink or do drugs, I don't see the point in it. I feel completely competent without the aid of those things. I still manage to have a good time without them. I just feel like if we keep dating, he would try and pressure me into doing stuff that I really don't want to.

I just feel suffocated in this relationship right now. Especially after going to China I feel like there is so much that I want to do with my life and I just feel so tied down by being in a relationship. I feel like I always find a boy, get attached and then realize that it isn't going to work out when it's too late. Becoming a nun has never sounded so good.

The Olympics

Okay, the watching Olympic gymnastics is just pathetic. I can barely reach my toes let alone flip around and do all sorts of upside down splits on a 4-inch wide bar! Yeah, depressing to the extreme. But a word of caution: once you start watching, you can't stop. Especially when it comes to the trampoline event.

And today I started to paint stuff for my apartment. I am covered in pink paint and I am headed to the eye doctor now. Joy.

My China Adventure

I can't put into words how much I learned from my trip to China. Everyday was incredible. The architecture there (new and old) was amazing and the history of their culture is evident not only in the ancient buildings but within the people themselves. China really felt like a separate world from the one we live in. Of course my favorite parts were climbing the Great Wall and walking through the Summer Palace and of course going to the Olympics. But despite the smog, I also found pleasure in the little things.

I found it hilarious that the Chinese people would whip out their cameras as soon as they saw us and throw their children in front of us to take pictures. Our tourguide would tell us that frequently people walking down the street would say, "Look at their hair! And their skin is so white!" It was weird being the odd one out especially coming from a country where ethnicity doesn't matter. In the States, I wouldn't bat an eyelash at seeing someone who looks Chinese. We were told that they only see Americans (or Caucasians in general) once or twice in their lifetime. No wonder they got so excited!

The food was something I wasn't really expecting. I really don't think I will be able to eat some foods now without being reminded of my (not so fond) memories of eating in China. Everything there was caked in grease and seemed like it had been deep-fried more than once. After a few days, I found myself only eating rice and meat or fish that looked like it had been grilled. But although the food wasn't always amazing, I fell in love with the Peking duck and the dumplings. I really could have eaten my weight in dumplings. One place shaped the dumplings into what was in them (ie a pork dumpling would be in the shape of a pig while a duck dumpling would look like a duck). It was so cute and looked like dumpling origami.

My roommate situation wasn't ideal. More than once I felt like taking my dirty socks and ramming them into her mouth. She had an opinion about everything from the culture of China and how it developed to what my mysterious illness was. I was definitely ready to come home to my own, private room. But luckily I was able to spend time with a friend who I hadn't seen in a while and was able to build that friendship along the trip with many good laughs and discussions.

The trip had its really memorable moments that will mean more to me than to the people I tell them to: Stepping in shit on top of the Great Wall, walking around like retarded geese at the Great Wild Goose Pagoda, riding bikes on the city wall in the pouring rain, acting like ninjas for an entire day (and subsequently, the entire trip), playing my flute for little children and trading jokes with an old Chinese man. But I think the most influential thing I will be taking away from my trip to China is how lucky and fortunate I feel to be an American. Learning about Communism in school doesn't compare at all until seeing it first hand. And I know my stay in China wasn't lengthy and that I didn't see the full extent of the Chinese government's hold on the country, but hearing stories from the citizens and witnessing the power the government has over their people was incredible. Also seeing the level of poverty there and the circumstances in which people live was unnerving. I am so thankful to live in a country where I can speak my mind and not be worried about being arrested. I am thankful that I don't have to worry about where my next meal comes from. I am thankful that I am able to write this post and know that it won't be censored in anyway. And I am thankful that I have the job opportunities available to me no matter of my social status, race or religion.

All in all, I loved my trip to China but I am glad to be home.

Numero Uno

So I decided to make a new blog. I had ridden the LiveJournal train for a while but I've had it ever since Lauren made it for me who knows how many æons ago. Now as I attempt to break into the blogging world again, I feel like I should break away from the blog that hosted so many of my dramatic high school memories. Ms Laws herself claimed Blogger was easy to use and I decided to give it a try. Basically, I'm just keeping it up for two of the loves in my life. Here we go again...