These are the best days of our lives...

Why does it seem like everyone around me is growing up and I seem to be stuck in this eternal state of adolescence? I'm not ready to think about getting married or having children at all -- let alone be in those situations. But I'm just a few months younger than my mom when she had me. I can't imagine that at all. She's always been my mom -- she was never a young adult who didn't know herself or what she wanted out of life. She always seemed so confident and sure of herself and of the decisions she made. She was forced to grow up so fast. I guess I'm just torn. Part of me says "I'm ready to be an adult and take on the world!" and yet another part of me just wants to go home and have my mom cook for me and do my laundry. It's just crazy to think that within the next 5 years I could be married and have a self-supporting job and that in the next 10 I could be a mom. Eek.

Another Year, Another Beginning

Summer has come to an abrupt end. It seems like with the start of school, the fall weather has decided to start too taking away all the beautiful sunny days and hiding them until next summer. I've really enjoyed classes so far. There are some that will be easy, some that will kick my butt, some that are big, some that are small, some that are interesting and some that are boring. I made sure to cover all the bases. I start class everyday at 11 which is amazing. I actually have time to wake up, eat breakfast and start my day off right with everything that I need. It's incredible. Especially for me since I'm not a morning person. I think my roommates like it too because then I'm not Godzilla in the mornings. :]

So I'm taking Art History, Flute Studio, Marching Band, Spanish & Shakespeare. My Spanish GTF is such a hottie. And when he speaks in Spanish it makes my heart want to melt. But of course he has a wife (and a daughter). I want to cry. But I am hopeful there are others like him out there. Tomorrow night I'm going to try and make a move on another (more age appropriate) hottie that I have my eye on. Oh and my neighbor is cute too! He just came over to borrow a fork a few minutes ago. I wonder if he is the one that rides the cute, shiny, red Vespa outside... Okay -- hold on... I like how this paragraph started out talking about classes and school and totally changed to cute boys. "I have a crush on every boy."

But anyway, classes are going well. I am excited for this term. The only thing I am not looking forward to is the weather and the shorter days. But oh well. I feel like a broken record but I also miss my besties. I just don't have anyone here like them (and I mean, come on... who could replace them?). Here I have friends who are funny and then I have my friends who are good listeners and then I have my friends who are good for just relaxing and watching a movie but I just don't have any friends who can do all of that at once. It really is a skill. ;]

I miss you, Lauren & Hilary!

No words to describe...

I thought my dad had been killed today. His hotel in Qatar was bombed and several embassy officials died. I found out this morning and I was a complete mess the whole day. I can't begin to explain how terrifying it was to not know whether or not he was dead or alive. I was scared. I couldn't help but think he was one of the ones who died. Luckily, he emailed me tonight and to let me know he was safe. However, I can't consider him safe until he makes it home and who knows when that will be? In a month or in 6? I absolutely hate being part of a military family. It has put so much strain and stress on all of us. I'm still shaken up over it but I am so glad my mom is going to be home tonight. It's been a rough 2 weeks.

This one time...

Band camp starts tomorrow.

Enough said.

Time for something new

It's amazing how a new haircut can change your attitude. I cut off over 6" and I feel like I'm ready to take on the world and start the new school year right. I've been making a lot of promises to myself. I'm going to put them on here so that I can publicly admit to what I want to accomplish and hopefully that will motivate me even more.

-I want to work out somehow everyday.
-I want to go to bed before midnight every night.
-I want to do all my homework the night before it is due.
-I want to keep my room as clean & clutter free as possible (hey -- no one is perfect).
-I want to avoid wearing the same outfit all year round and utilize the cute clothing that I own.
-I want to be a better friend and daughter.
-I want to practice everyday for at least half an hour.
-I want to quit making excuses for myself.

I think that's a good place to start.

PS I love running my hands through my hair.

On the road again

I feel like I'm living life on the road. I have driven to and from Eugene over 10 times within the past 6 days. No wonder my car is so messy all the time. I'm basically living in my car. I have a sleeping bag and pillow that haven't left the car for quite a few weeks now. I must feel more comfortable there because my mom has rented out my room. Yes, as in someone is now living in my room other than me. And looking out my window. And using my built-in shelves. And using my walk-in closet. It's very odd to think about. I don't have a home at home anymore.

But on the plus side, in 5 days I will have a room of my own! Yayyy!!! For the first time in 3 years I won't have to share a room with anyone. It will be glorious. I have been going a little crazy with the decorating (maybe a little too overboard). But as Martha Stewart once said, "There is nothing wrong with casually matching." And even though I'm not sure how to define "casually matching" -- I'm pretty sure that I've mastered it.

And I need to make my art portfolio but I just don't have time!!!

Also, my feet are 3 different shades of tan.

Winding Down

It makes me so sad to see the end of summer. I hate watching the days begin to get shorter and the flowers start to die. And then there is all of the preparation for school that the last few weeks of summer seem to be sucked away. I know in about 3 weeks I will be envying myself in this very moment: Sitting at home with no homework, no agenda, free food & laundry and no apartment or roommates to worry about. However, I am very excited for summer to end even though my 3-week-away self will think I'm insane.

Life at home has been hard this summer. Friends didn't come home from college or if they did, they didn't stay for long enough. Also, the friends who were in town were busy with jobs and vacations and the like. Also, my mother has been difficult to deal with. She hasn't learned to treat me like a independently functioning human being and has continued to do some irksome things like setting curfew and taking my car keys away. I lived on my own for a year already and it was near impossible to come home and live under her rules again.

I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of two chapters of my life. I'm squished in between my childhood and my future and neither one of them is budging to let me go. I keep wondering how long I'm going to feel like this. Will I finally feel like an adult when I don't come home during the summers or when I graduate from college? Or will the feeling of being a child in my parent's house always linger there no matter how old I am?

I really wish I could have enjoyed my time in Salem a little more because I do love this city and I have had some great memories here. I just can't help thinking about how out of place I feel now that I've graduated from high school and been away. Luckily, I'm moving out in a little over a week and will be going back to Eugene where I feel a little bit more at home at the present. I will be living in an apartment with my own room where I can do just about whatever I want and not get yelled at for it.

I already have a list of what I want to do first: Put my shoes right in front of the door, leave my water glass on the bedside table without a coaster and stay up on Facebook until 3am.