No words to describe...

I thought my dad had been killed today. His hotel in Qatar was bombed and several embassy officials died. I found out this morning and I was a complete mess the whole day. I can't begin to explain how terrifying it was to not know whether or not he was dead or alive. I was scared. I couldn't help but think he was one of the ones who died. Luckily, he emailed me tonight and to let me know he was safe. However, I can't consider him safe until he makes it home and who knows when that will be? In a month or in 6? I absolutely hate being part of a military family. It has put so much strain and stress on all of us. I'm still shaken up over it but I am so glad my mom is going to be home tonight. It's been a rough 2 weeks.

This one time...

Band camp starts tomorrow.

Enough said.

Time for something new

It's amazing how a new haircut can change your attitude. I cut off over 6" and I feel like I'm ready to take on the world and start the new school year right. I've been making a lot of promises to myself. I'm going to put them on here so that I can publicly admit to what I want to accomplish and hopefully that will motivate me even more.

-I want to work out somehow everyday.
-I want to go to bed before midnight every night.
-I want to do all my homework the night before it is due.
-I want to keep my room as clean & clutter free as possible (hey -- no one is perfect).
-I want to avoid wearing the same outfit all year round and utilize the cute clothing that I own.
-I want to be a better friend and daughter.
-I want to practice everyday for at least half an hour.
-I want to quit making excuses for myself.

I think that's a good place to start.

PS I love running my hands through my hair.

On the road again

I feel like I'm living life on the road. I have driven to and from Eugene over 10 times within the past 6 days. No wonder my car is so messy all the time. I'm basically living in my car. I have a sleeping bag and pillow that haven't left the car for quite a few weeks now. I must feel more comfortable there because my mom has rented out my room. Yes, as in someone is now living in my room other than me. And looking out my window. And using my built-in shelves. And using my walk-in closet. It's very odd to think about. I don't have a home at home anymore.

But on the plus side, in 5 days I will have a room of my own! Yayyy!!! For the first time in 3 years I won't have to share a room with anyone. It will be glorious. I have been going a little crazy with the decorating (maybe a little too overboard). But as Martha Stewart once said, "There is nothing wrong with casually matching." And even though I'm not sure how to define "casually matching" -- I'm pretty sure that I've mastered it.

And I need to make my art portfolio but I just don't have time!!!

Also, my feet are 3 different shades of tan.

Winding Down

It makes me so sad to see the end of summer. I hate watching the days begin to get shorter and the flowers start to die. And then there is all of the preparation for school that the last few weeks of summer seem to be sucked away. I know in about 3 weeks I will be envying myself in this very moment: Sitting at home with no homework, no agenda, free food & laundry and no apartment or roommates to worry about. However, I am very excited for summer to end even though my 3-week-away self will think I'm insane.

Life at home has been hard this summer. Friends didn't come home from college or if they did, they didn't stay for long enough. Also, the friends who were in town were busy with jobs and vacations and the like. Also, my mother has been difficult to deal with. She hasn't learned to treat me like a independently functioning human being and has continued to do some irksome things like setting curfew and taking my car keys away. I lived on my own for a year already and it was near impossible to come home and live under her rules again.

I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of two chapters of my life. I'm squished in between my childhood and my future and neither one of them is budging to let me go. I keep wondering how long I'm going to feel like this. Will I finally feel like an adult when I don't come home during the summers or when I graduate from college? Or will the feeling of being a child in my parent's house always linger there no matter how old I am?

I really wish I could have enjoyed my time in Salem a little more because I do love this city and I have had some great memories here. I just can't help thinking about how out of place I feel now that I've graduated from high school and been away. Luckily, I'm moving out in a little over a week and will be going back to Eugene where I feel a little bit more at home at the present. I will be living in an apartment with my own room where I can do just about whatever I want and not get yelled at for it.

I already have a list of what I want to do first: Put my shoes right in front of the door, leave my water glass on the bedside table without a coaster and stay up on Facebook until 3am.